I Hate Hamlet images

Stairway in a side viewIf you aren't careful, life is full of these learning experiences. Here's what I already knew about the ever-popular spiral stairway: You build it in one-step units and join them solidly together. You have to cut all the treads alike (thanks for the precision, Andy). It helps to include lots of legs so the steps react the same way the ones in your house do (i.e., they shouldn't flex very much as people walk up and down).

And I learned these new things: There is a reason spiral stairways cost more than straight ones. They're a lot harder to finish. (Terminology aid, if you're taking notes: A winding stairway consists of straight segments separated by landings; a spiral stairway makes a curve in plan.) Designing the railing for a spiral stairway is tricky and may well involve fitting and trying. Professionals get their railings on special orders from the mill. When you assemble the whole thing, it can be enormously strong and stiff even though it's just hacked together.

Here's another view of our spiral stairs with their partly finished rails.

Stairway in a view from straight on

Notes on making the rail: These apply to steps for theater use, not for your house. First, get a sheet or two of plywood, 3/4 inch for preference, plus a sheet of something lighter and cheaper. Don't install the newels first! Lay the cheap pattern material, such as lauan, on the stairway so it touches all the treads. From underneath, mark where the corners of the treads touch the pattern sheet. Draw and cut a curve passing through the marks. Leave some pattern hanging out at the top and bottom of the stairs. Cut the "back" of the pattern curve by measuring the width of the rail you mean to build. Check the pattern by laying it on the stairs. Don't wave the pattern around—a 4-inch curved strip of masonite or lauan will snap.

Once the pattern is right, trace it on a piece of heavy plywood and cut. Repeat until you have three plywood thicknesses (or two, or four, depending on the look you're aiming for). To make your rail look interesting and textured, you can vary the width from strip to strip. Put up the balusters but not the newels. Fit up the rail, thickness by thickness, and tack it to the balusters. Mark the whole plywood pack so you can cut the ends off. It's way easier to cut the ends to mate with absent newel posts than it is to fit your rail in between real ones. Install the newels last.

The big photo suggests a difference between this phony rail and costly custom millwork. The plywood rail seems to twist; if it's level at the bottom, the top end shows a considerable slant. Actually the plywood doesn't twist; the stairway twists instead. Custom railings have the twist cut into them so that the tops of all the balusters will be level.

A comic juggler of the 1980s included this line in his patter:
[Getting five balls in the air] You know, there are six ways to juggle five balls.
[Long, long pause as he continues juggling the balls] This is the one that I know.
That's how I describe the way of building this stair rail.

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June 27, Year 4
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